the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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