Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
