i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
