I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
