It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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