I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
