you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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