she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
