I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
