I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize