on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
