Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
