Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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