Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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