I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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