is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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