his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Someone came in the potted fern
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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