We won't sleep together?
Screwed.edu
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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