This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
