Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
