I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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