Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
