Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
