I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
