some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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