ya dads aren't the best wingmen
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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