plz talk dirty to me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This toilet bowl is my home.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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