so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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