wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
