His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
