Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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