new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
