Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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