I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
