ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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