I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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