I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you never un-have a 4some
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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