Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
