Just cropdusted the office
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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