i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
