She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize