May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
