All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
