I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
