is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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