His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
