okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
