Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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