I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize