Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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