Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
