fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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