happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
