I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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