now i know why i became what i already was.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
