I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize