Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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