we're blogging at a bar
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
