Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
