we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
