i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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