but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize