So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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