I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
