yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
