I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
